AAUW: Some tips for ‘know-it-alls’

By Gwen Sayian

Hingham Journal

Thu Mar 06, 2008, 12:44 PM EST

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Hingham - The most recent AAUW meeting featured a presentation on the importance of humor in everyday life by Barbara Tortarella, an area social worker. As I listened to her, it struck me that a humorous outlook is the ticket to getting through a day in the office, especially when you have to deal with know-it-alls and busybodies. We all know a few. Maybe you have earned the title yourself. In my years, I’ve crossed over a few times, to excel in both categories.

The first house my husband and I bought didn’t have a dishwasher. So my husband and father-in-law decided to install one themselves. Both of these men were quite competent with cranky washing machines and dispirited dryers, so the installation of a dishwasher was a reasonable goal. Several hours into the job, my dear father-in-law left abruptly. ”He was “tired,” my husband told me. After a respectable amount of time had passed, I learned that I had been very concerned with water in the pipes, and for some reason fancied myself a dishwasher wizard, driving him to distraction. A smart man, he knew when it was time to leave. That’s when I realized that we are all capable of know-it-allness. It reminds me of the age old question: can a good human being be driven to kill?

A social worker by profession, I recently decided to take a break from people problems by diving headfirst into the world of paper problems; bookkeeping to be precise. I’ve never done office work before. At first, I was completely befuddled by my adding machine. But we’re on much better terms now.

It’s the office know-it-all that really makes my day. Whatever my current dilemma is she is right there to do everything for me, adding a lengthy tutorial on her vast years of experience. It takes my breath away sometimes. When I told her I didn’t know how to work the automatic coffee maker, she moved in quickly, bumping me out of the way, and took over. That was great because I really don’t want to make the coffee. I only want to drink it. When I have a problem with my computer, she hustles right over, almost sits on my lap, and clicks wildly around the screen. She opens and closes things so quickly, it looks like a laser light show right there on my desk.

Ultimately, she’ll announce my system is “configured differently than hers and it can’t be done,” whatever it was that I was trying to do. I’m going to use that next time I have to fill out a new form for the IRS. I’ll simply explain, “The configuration is different than my system, and it can’t be done.” When I worked for the state government, we didn’t make “mistakes.” “Oversights occurred” instead. Next time I forget to buy snacks before a big game, I’ll announce it as an “oversight.” Wish me luck.

In defense of know-it-alls, they often do know a lot. My office mate has been very helpful with some things. It’s the manner in which the expertise is delivered that is defining. It’s the quick, overly decisive reaction to the issue at hand, and a take-over style that sets the true animal apart. Don’t confuse the know-it-all with the busybody, though. They appear the same initially; however the busybody has little or no expertise in the area of question, only great energy and astounding stamina in finding a resolution. The key difference between them is that a know-it-all may be helpful, while a busybody is rarely helpful, as illustrated in the previously mentioned dishwasher episode.

So how do you handle these highly energized people? If you have just identified yourself as a know-it-all, I urge you to learn even more, because sometimes you are helpful, and you could even be more helpful. Just slow down a bit, and try adding a “What do you think?” occasionally.

If you’re more of a busybody, exploring an engaging hobby might be a good outlet for your enthusiasm. Try to pick something with a national convention since these are usually held in large hotels where you’ll have plenty of space in which to dash around and expound whatever knowledge you think you have. As for the rest of us, Barbara Tortarella, our recent presenter, might recommend a deep breath and a sense of humor. Remember, you only want to get a cup of coffee, not to learn how to make it.

Our next AAUW presentation, which is free and open to the public, will be March 11, at 7 p.m., at Thayer Public Library, Braintree. The 19th century saw many changes in the way woman experienced and understood their place in everyday life. Dr. Margaret Lamberts Bendroth, historian, author and executive director of the Congregational Library in Boston, will speak on how these women’s aspirations shaped feminism and social change in America.

Holders of associate’s or bachelor’s degrees who live in the South Shore towns from Plymouth to Quincy are welcome to join the Hingham Area Branch. To learn more about AAUW, call Patricia McKay at 781-337-3375 or email: hollie@gallivan.org. Visit the branch Web site at aauw-ma.org and follow the links to the Hingham Branch.

Gwen Sayian is a Hingham resident and member of AAUW.